In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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