So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
