Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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