Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
