Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
How external is "for external use only"?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
