i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
