Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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