dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
