1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
