Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
