I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
