Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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