oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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