the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
