hell yes lets make some ravioli
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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