Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
