Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
