He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
