I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
