I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
