I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
