Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
