Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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