Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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