george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
