dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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