I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
