There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
