btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
