I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
