Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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