you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
