Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
