careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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