well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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