be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
