I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
