I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
