Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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