Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
