I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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