I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
