After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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