i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize