just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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