I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
