well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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