just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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