Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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