I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
