question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
