I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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