She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
