It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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