I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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