I want to have your abortion
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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