she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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