I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
