im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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