FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
