we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
