Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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