the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
