i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
