Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
