Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
