Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
