Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
