bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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