the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
