I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
