I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
