I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
