She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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