What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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