I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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