whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
