Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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