i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
